My office is static charged beyond the scope of human comprehension. Larry Flynt must be housing some sort of unlicensed super conductor in the building. Everything I touch in here delivers a tiny pinprick of static electricity. On their own the shocks aren’t bad but after 8 hours I leave the office feeling like my fingers have been ravaged by an overzealous hematologist. I’ve taken to walking around the office like a blind man, constantly touching the walls, always grasping for the nearest piece of furniture, anything that will keep me grounded for a few seconds. Some day as an experiment I’m going to walk around the office without touch anything all day. Then, just before I leave for the night, I’m going to touch on of my coworkers.
My hypothesis: The resulting shock will cook their organs inside their body.