Thursday, May 11, 2006


The Google Trends feature was just brought to my attention today. It will instantly tell you what regions and cities around the world have generated the most Google searches for a given word or phrase. The potential for time wasting internet "research" is endless, and some of the results are quite revealing. For example:

The most searches for "sex" are coming form where? The Middle East, of course!. This trend is evident in both the region and cities listings. Yet more proof that the harder you try to keep people from thinking about sex, the more they will think about it.

Now, you if run a check on the word "Poop", the U.S. of A. comes out on top of the region list and TOTALLY dominates the cities list. How's that for a blast of patriotism? America might have lost ground to the rest of the world politically and economically, but we're still number one with a bullet when it comes to internet poop, baby!

Finally, a search for "Necrophilia" shows the Philippines on top of the region list by a huge margin, but the number one city is Manchester. England only clocks in at a distant #3 on the region list, but Manchester is right there on top of the city list. I'm no statistician, but to me this would seem to indicate that Manchester is doing A LOT of Google searches for "Necrophilia". Certainly way more than their fair share. That city has got necrophilia on the brain (and god only knows where else).

Manchester clearly has some issues, but I think that rather than confine them to shameful, secretive internet fantasy sessions, they need to embrace these issues and run with them, hand-in-hand, though the embalmed, rigor mortisy streets. It's no secret that Manchester is an economically depressed, post-industrial hellscape (it's like the Detroit on Northern England), but is it possible that embracing its own terrifying psycho-sexual hang-ups might be the city's ticket to salvation? I say "Yes!"

Here's what I'm saying: Manchester needs to legalize necrophilia. Within Manchester city limits, anything goes with a dead body. Once that's out of the way, Manchester will stand poised to completely corner a small but voracious tourism market. The only thing they'd need is a catchy slogan, like "Manchester: When they go cold, we heat up!" or "Manchester: No pulse? No problem!" or "Manchester: We are way into corpse fucking!" It would be like Amsterdam, except, instead of smoking weed you could sexually violate a dead person. The potential cash influx from back-packing Yale students alone is limitless.

1 comment:

abeer said...

Brilliantly put! Another slogan could be- Manchester- no 'issues', EVER!