The Shipping Blues

I swear to fucking Christ, nothing that has ever been shipped to me via a company like UPS or Fed-Ex has ever arrived within the estimated time frame. Apparently it doesn't matter how much money I spend to expedite the shipping process and ensure timely delivery, it always takes between three and twelve days longer than expected. Always. It's like I'm under some Gypsy curse meant to annoy me into madness. I hate all of you shipping companies. You are all awful. You wanna know what "Brown" can do for me? It can go fuck itself.

Don't even get me started on DHL. They are the worst, and this goes far beyond my own anti-package hoodoo. I've worked at no fewer than three companies that used DHL, because they are cheap, and my experience with them has been that they take one out of every three packages and just toss it in a river. It's the only possible reason why their service could be so consistently shitty. If you're going to ship something DHL, do yourself a favor, just buy a lottery ticket and, when you hit the MegaJackpot, use your winnings to fly to where ever your package is and pick it up. The odds of you getting your package this way are better than if you rely on DHL to ship it to you. You'll probably get it faster too.