Let It Rip

So last night I was wearing one of my favorite dress shirts, I bent my arm and the shirt split right along the elbow, in a perfectly straight line, like it had been sliced with a razor. This shirt fits me perfectly fine, it's not like it was too tight or anything. Now today I'm sitting at my desk, I reached down to scratch my balls (they itch, it happens, deal with it) and discover that there's a small hole right in the crotch of my jeans. What the fuck? One of my favorite shirts is ruined and there's a cold draft on my balls. Neither of these rips happened along seams, they're both in the middle of the fabric. How does that happen? It's like I'm very slowly Hulking out.