Secret Identities

There are people in this country who are not going to vote for Obama because they think that he is a "Secret Muslim." This is a term that has entered the popular lexicon, as though it is an actual thing that anyone has ever been. Like all the controversy over his church and his former Pastor is just smoke screen. On inauguration day he's going to step up to the podium and say "Foolish Christians! There will be no more pork chops at State dinners! You are powerless to stop the beard I'm going to grow! Praise be to Allah!" And it's all based on stupid xenophobic shit like his middle name being Hussein. Anyone with a Middle Eastern sounding name has to be Muslim, right? It's idiotic.

If Barack Obama is a Secret Muslim, then I'm pretty sure that John McCain is a Secret Mummy. Think about it: No one that old could still be alive unless they'd been reanimated by an ancient Egyptian curse.










It's un-fucking-canny.