Smell ya later

Apparently my mutant power is that my sweat don't stink. It's true. I can exercise for two hours, be soaking, and not smell like anything. I can come home and sit around in my sweaty gym clothes, let the sweat dry, and smell no worse for wear. My gym shirts only start to smell after weeks of repeated use and being wadded up in the bottom of my hamper in between trips to the gym. I can also go several days without showering before enough smell builds up that it becomes noticeable. Not that I do this on a regular basis, that would be gross, but it has happened. This is not just based on my own observation, which would be useless since you can't really judge your own smell (Kind of like how you can't accurately hear the sound of your own voice). My stinklessness has been remarked upon by several different people at different times.

I was trying to think of what the evolutionary advantage of stinkless sweat would be and the best thing I could come up with is that it would make it harder for predators to track me. I guess that's pretty useful, though I think in this day and age the more immediate effect is that it makes women disinterested in me, since It also means my pheromones are less pungent. Maybe not disinterested, just instantly neutral. I mean, I do have a girlfriend but it took me some time to win her over. The pheromones could not be counted on so I had to rely on looks, charm, and personality, which I'd like to think I have plenty of, but I also think that pheromones are like the 3D-Glasses that allow the audience to get the full effect. Without the special glasses it took a while for my girlfriend's eyes to adjust, but once they did she got into it. Still, it is always flattering to feel admired. It would be nice if my mutant power was the ability to instantly win the hearts and minds of everyone I meet.

However, I'm sure that when the Werewolf Apocalypse comes I will thank my lucky stars for the genetic hand I've been dealt. There's no point in making new friends when they've all been mauled and/or turned into remorseless, man-eating beasts. Plus, any of my friends that haven't been eviscerated would just lead the werewolfs right to us with their pheromone stench. So "when the earth trembles and the unbroken moon glows crimson as unto blood", ya'll are on your own. Don't be dragging me down with your man stink. And, just so we're clear, if I even think you've been bitten I will not hesitate to put you down. The same goes for the Vampire Invasion and the Zombie Holocaust