My Day: A Miniature Play.
ME: (checking online bank statement) Christ, where’d all my money go? It’s all this fucking lunch I’ve been eating. If I skipped lunch for like two days that’s half a tank of gas right there. Well, that settles it. No lunch for me today.
20 minutes later.
ME: I’m so fucking hungry. It’s not even noon. What am I going to do?
ANNOYING SALES GUY: Hey, is your company interested in a new copier?
ME: I told you no last week. Fuck off.
ANNOYING SALES GUY: But I brought this sack of hamburgers.
ANNOYING SALES GUY: Can I leave these brochures?
ME: (Through mouthful of hamburger) Yes. Now fuck off.
Six hours and three Whopper Juniors later.
ME: Man, I’m starting to get hungry again. Maybe I can run out and buy an apple or something. I can spend money on fruit.
COWORKER #1: Hey Paul, do you want some of this leftover food? The boss’ cook made it last night. Meatballs wrapped in eggplant with okra and green beans.
COWORKER #2: Hey Paul, I have this slice of peach pie left over. Do you want it?
Paul stops shoveling okra into face, eyes pie suspiciously.
ME: Wait. What am I, a hurricane victim? Why is everyone giving me food?
COWORKER 1&2: No reason.
ME: Good enough. Gimme the pie!
Who says prayer goes unanswered. I give great thanks to whatever unseen cosmic force delivered unto me today’s bounty of delicious food, made all the more delicious by it’s freeness. Now if you’ll excuse me, this peach pie is getting lonely. Have a good weekend everybody.