Pains In My Neck

I have the worst crick in my neck today.  It’s been there since I woke up and it’s not getting any better.  Trying to tilt my head two inches to the left is an excruciating exercise in masochism.  Unfortunately, I employ this motion all day so I can cradle the phone between my ear and shoulder, thus leaving my hands free to type.  Having to actually hold the phone with my hand has totally screwed up my workflow so I’m way behind schedule.  To get back on track I’m going to need to either mutate an extra set of hands or pay a young Asian woman to massage my neck.  Unfortunately I see neither of these things happening.  This office severely lacks in radiation or toxic chemicals that could spur mutation and my colleagues would probably object if I commandeered our Asian intern for neck-rub purposes. I think they would mostly be upset that her tiny hands had been distracted from their task of stuffing hundreds of envelopes with our company holiday card.