So apparently David Copperfield (the magician not the Dickens character) is under investigation by a federal grand jury after being accused of rape.
The story behind this accusation is pretty harrowing, involving some Rick James levels of weirdness and, if it's true, I hope David gets sent to prison for a long, long time.
However, I think that if the feds really want to bust somebody in Vegas for rape, they need to go after that asshole Danny Gans for charging people $100 a pop to listen to him do shitty impression that sound nothing like the people he's impersonating. Just log onto the official Danny Gans website and listen to the Austin Powers impression that plays automatically when the page loads. A: It sounds nothing like Austin Powers. B: Austin Powers?! Are you fucking kidding me? It's 2007! The sell-by date on Austin Powers expired before the third movie even came out. Undeterred, this is the shitty, dated impression is what Danny chooses to lead with on the front page of his official website. This is the sound bite that Gans has personally selected to speak for him and his entire act. It speaks volumes. Just imagine being locked in a dark theatre with this sort of gagging hackery for 90 minutes. Until you've paid a hundred bucks to watch a "comedian", WITH HIS OWN PERMANENT LAS VEGAS THEATRE and the world's largest freestanding marquee, don a shaky, at best, Jeff Foxworthy voice and do 10 minutes of "You might be a Redneck" jokes, ver-fucking-batim, you have no idea what rape is.*
*Let the record show that I, personally, did not pay to see this theatrical abortion and was adverse to the idea from the word go. I still ended up crying in the shower after the show. It was that bad.