Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Music To My Ears

At this moment I can't think of five sweeter words in the English language than "Former President George W. Bush."

Happy inauguration day, everyone. Good luck.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Strange Bedfellows

What do I have in common with the richest, most powerful woman in the world? More than you might think.

Turns out that we both love Kate Winslet's rockin' bewbs.

Friday, January 09, 2009

TV Weather Man or Gay Porn Star?

Happy New Year, everybody! Let's get things kicked-off right with the brand new game that will soon be sweeping the nation. I'm going to give you a list of names and you have to guess whether the names belong to a TV weather man or a gay porn star. I'd say no fair using Google to look up the names, but if you want to explain to your office's IT guy why you were googling gay porn stars at work, be my guest.

Keep in mind that these are all names of actual members of these respective professions.

TV Weather Man or Gay Porn Star?
Sam Champion
Dean Phoenix
Sean Storm
Storm Fields
Hal Rockland
Rick Dickert
Joe Bastardi
Alec Powers
Topper Shut
Will West

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Land of the Lost Unfortunately Found

Good news everyone! The World Wildlife Fund has learned that Southeast Asia’s Mekong Delta is actually a terrifying lost world that makes Jurassic Park look like a goddamn petting zoo. In the last decade, scientists working in the region have "discovered" (read: were eaten by) over 1000 heretofore unknown abominations including giant spiders, deadly pit vipers, a bright pink millipede made of cyanide, and big-ass rats previously thought extinct for 11 million years. See below for pics and video of a mere handful of these newly discovered hell beasts.

Thank you, Science for, once and for all, proving that there is no God. No benevolent deity would ever dream of such monstrosities. Creatures this grotesque could only be the product of an uncaring and rudderless universe.

Video and stills. Not for the weak of heart.

An interactive slide show. Enjoy the horror at your own pace.

Documentary footage of an ill-fated 2005 scientific expedition to the Mekong Delta region.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Sorry, Hotel For Dogs, I'm not interested in any movie about a creepy animal hostel unless it's an adaptation of Howliday Inn.

And even then I'm much more interested in an adaptation of The Celery Stalks At Midnight

Here's the point: Who does a guy have to fuck in this town to see his life-long dream of a big screen Bunnicula movie realized?

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I Believe

So much has already been said and I don't have the words to say it any better. I am extraordinarily happy today and so proud of my country.

In retrospect, I probably should have thought through my election night plans a little better. Someday, in the distant future, when my child looks up at me and asks me where I was the night America elected its first black President, I will have to look my progeny in the eye and tell him or her that I was in a bar called Big Wangs. This is not the stuff that NPR National Story Project pieces are made of.

In other news, this video made me smile. This is REM, performing last night in Santiago, when their manager came on stage to announce Obama's win. The song is called "I Beleive."

Trust in your calling, make sure your calling's true
Think of others, the others think of you
Silly rule golden words make, practice, practice makes perfect,
Perfect is a fault, and fault lines change

I believe my humor's wearing thin
And change is what I believe in
I believe my shirt is wearing thin
And change is what I believe in


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Updates and Stuff

Haven't been ant the wheel lately. I've been busy working a new job, doing a bit of stand up, and I even found some time for a trip to Vegas where I forsook hookers and gambling in favor of knocking on doors for the Obama campaign.

I don't really have much to talk about right now so I thought I'd post some clips from Wet Hot American Summer. This first one falls into my category of "never not funny." Every time I see it, I laugh and laugh and laugh.

I wanted to post this one too because, out of context, it is so fucking weird. It doesn't make much more sense in context, but by itself it's just insanity. I mean, can you imagine if you just saw this without any frame of reference of what it was or where is was from?