Wednesday, August 27, 2008

More Proclamations

I occasionally hear dudes wondering aloud (unironically I might add) "does this make me gay?" This question has many permutations - Does wearing boxer briefs make me gay? Does showering with dues at the gym make me gay? Does making eye contact with the other dude in a threesome make me gay?, etc., etc. - but it is always essentially the same question. Let it be understood from this day forth that every variation of this question always has the same answer:

No. This does not make you gay, but if you are seriously worried about something making you gay, then you probably are gay. If you knew in your heart of hearts that you weren't gay, you wouldn't be concerned about a picture of a dude's ass or a Celine Dion song or the guy standing at the urinal next to you making you gay. You'd understand that you're not gay, that these things hold no power over you, and you'd get on with your life. You're gay. Deal with it.

So it is written, so shall it be done!

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